ANNA HOWARD

Clear water like rain
Streaks the window pane
Grey cloud lies heavy
Outside.

The light of this love
For my friend
Moving clouds in my mind
Breaking down the sad grief
Of a father loved and gone,
A father out of reach.

As an old order dissolves,
I rest in emptiness.
As an old life ends,
I fall through emptiness.

In emptiness no solid I,
No beginning, no end.
No clinging to a way out,
No forcing a way in,
No resisting this heavy hand.

And what is this love
I say I feel for you,
That so draws me,
Warms, lightens and uplifts me?

Nowhere to go
Nothing to do
No particular place to be
No hiding place for me

It's a total bliss-pain mystery!

But it endures,
It stays the same,
It moves through happiness and pain
Through all the different games.

It's not a love I can call my own
It's far too big, too wise
To give me any lies
Of permanence in form
Of romance to perform.

No - bigger and beyond
A love that touches and awakens
A hidden, truer, deeper being
Calling forth, gently teasing
Breathing....

But quiet now.  No more dreaming.
Let the earth lie still,
The flowers fading.
Sleep in peace
In friendship's sweet embracing.

ANNA HOWARD
November 2005